growing up again...

little children think that mummy and daddy are up there with god.
i thought the same thing when i was a child...
then, when i was about 14, my parents
betrayed that little child trust.
or perhaps i betrayed it myself, by becoming old enough to think for
myself.
i realized they had no reasons for saying no to me, no true reason.
nothing that would hurt me, but still they objected. later they told
me that they had misgivings about the situation. which of course
i was far too young to hear about...i think that's what made me the
most angry.
they didn't trust me, they didn't think i could handle what they
really thought...so instead, i decided i wouldn't handle what they
thought ever again.
their opinions became something i fought violently against, anything
they said was good and right became evil and horrible to me.
i was jumping off the other side of the cliff that they were on...and it
actually wasn't good. because they where/are right on some things...
it just felt so stupid, i just wanted to run away and never come back,
only i had no place to go...no handy friends who would welcome me in.
i was stuck, but i made this place an awful hell for my parents for several
months.
after counseling and various other forms of 'reconciliation' treatment, i
said i forgave them. it was getting annoying.
now i'm at that awful inbetween state, of wanting to go and never see
them again, and wanting to stay and it be okay for a while longer...
but it's less then 4 months till my 18th bday...i can't decide! (+_+)
this is so depressing...

make a wish all you children! it's 11:11
-your emerandom